Selection Sunday is finally here. It’s the Sunday I wait all year for.
I watch hundreds of games, read thousands of articles, and I always feel like the most prepared fan on the planet. I’ve got the brackets printed out ahead of time, and my favorite part of the day is coming home and writing out each seed by hand.
And every year, without fail, my bracket fails. So I’ve compiled a foolproof list of ways to make this year’s bracket my best ever:
1. Let Herbie Pick
My dog isn’t very smart. But there’s a squid that picks the Super Bowl champions, so why can’t Herbie pick Cinderella? Lay out some index cards with school logos on them and whichever one he feels most inclined to sniff advances.
2. Eenie Meenie Miney Moe
I mean, the rational college basketball addict in me wouldn’t pick an LSU Tiger by it’s toe, but rationale doesn’t apply here. So I’ll sing the rhyme, and whichever team my finger lands on advances.
3. The Revenge Picks
I was raised to hate the Dukes and Syracuses and Kansases and La Salles of this world. So even if the chances are slim I’ll play my rivals in the Dance, why not get a little retribution and pick against them in my bracket out of sheer spite? Lose to a team I hate? Don’t let them advance! I’m the one writing the names in this bracket, after all.
Bottom line, your bracket is going to fail. Every year, I watch hundreds of college basketball games, study Lunardi’s predictions like my degree in bracketology depended on it, come closer and closer to permanently damaging my vocal chords from all the screaming at the television, and spend more time making my picks than studying for midterms.
And I usually throw away my brackets in frustration by day two.
Hands down, this has been the best college basketball season I’ve ever seen. All four number one seeds change daily, no one is safe, and it’s felt like March since Thanksgiving.
So obsess over your bracket, pick a ton of Cinderellas, and remember the sun will come out again after your team doesn’t advance from the round of 64. On the bright side, free Rita’s day is usually right around the corner.
Just accept that the person you hand a blank bracket to as a joke, who’s never watched a college basketball game, wouldn’t know Duke from Dartmouth, and picked teams based on what name sounds prettier, yeah, they’re gonna win your pool.
But don’t forget to sit back, know the basketball gods will never let your bracket succeed, and enjoy the madness.